We seemed to have inherited the tradition of complaining and it seems to be a unifier among people. We bond over complaining about the weather, the traffic, the government, our families, and any number of things besides. It is a mistaken belief that complaining connects us because in reality, it actually creates dissonance in our brains. (dissonance is the lack of harmony or the combination of unsuitable elements).

Anytime you complain about something or someone, you are creating separation from that thing. The ability to create change and cause something new to happen will come through connection to that thing.

Take for example a marriage or parent relationship. If you complain about your partner or your child regularly, you create small fragments of separation. While complaining once might not do that, the continuous tradition of complaining to other people about your (fill in the blank with your favorite topic) will in fact solve, shift, or change that thing. Complaining causes erosion to the union of people.

If you want to make a shift in a relationship, or in a life situation, I can guarantee the complaining will get you no where. What will start to get you somewhere is either: 1) to stop-seriously stop complaining especially if it’s not something you actually care about, like whether or not your husband folds his laundry in a timely way-do you really care about that? Do you really want your life to be for that? -or- 2) Get clear on what it is that has you complain. Is it a commitment to something else? Or is it possibly something you need to clean up in that relationship or take responsibility for?

I’ve noticed that sometimes my complaints actually come from me having something incomplete in my relationship with another person, like that I didn’t do something or take responsibility for something, and therefore I blame them as a way to avoid that responsibility.

Where do you see in your life that you could either stop complaining or grow up, be an adult and do something about your situation at hand?

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