I’ve spent a great part of the last 5 years (and quite a bit of money) developing myself as a leader, specifically how to do it most effectively, how to communicate most effectively with people, how to manage the energy of larger groups of people, being some of the things that I have spent time learning and relearning. Any time I lead a new group of people, I learn something new. One thing that I’ve learned over and over again is that in order to create the environment (or training) that I want, I have to be leading from what I want to happen. (This is also extremely applicable in the domain of family life). What this means is that I have to look out into the future, see the result I want to produce and then work from that intention. It doesn’t work for me as a leader in my job or in my family to lead only based on my temporary feelings or circumstances. For example, it doesn’t work ultimately if I’ve had a bad day, or I’m overly tired to take it out on Brandon (my husband), or the people that I’m leading at my job. It demolishes trust, and doesn’t generate the kind of environment that I want to be fostering. As a leader in my life, it is my responsibility to take care of myself and the environment I’m in, not anyone else’s.
One of the specific learnings from one of my trainings, is that when I am at the front of the room (for say a training or workshop) and I want to get the attention of the participants, and let’s say the room is loud and the energy is high, what doesn’t work is me yelling and to try to get the energy down. Me yelling would only contribute to energy and noise. What does work is me matching my energy to the energy I want to create and utilizing something creative to get the attention of the participants. Same thing would apply with my family. If I want to create a quiet environment before bed so Lincoln (my 3 year old) quiets down, playing chase isn’t the greatest idea. Instead, we lower the lights, read stories, and rock while we listen to lullaby’s. Because I know the environment I want to create, I am able to create that environment through my actions, words, and energy.
When looking to make a change in your world, whether it’s your home life, or you’re looking to revolutionize people’s ideas, are the actions you are taking (or not taking), the energy you are outputting, and the language you are using (spoken or written) creating the result you want? Are you creating from what you want, or from what you don’t want? Is what you’re outputting creating more noise without producing a result other than more noise? If you are angry about something, is your anger producing anything in other people other than anger and fear?
What result do you actually want? Consider leading from what it is that you want, rather than what you don’t want to create a more effective result.